Most probably on some level you believe failure somehow defines who you are:
If you fail, you are bad, loser, failure, unworthy, not good enough, powerless… And that’s why you then avoid it like the plague, become paralyzed by the idea of failure, avoid risks, overplan, manipulate yourself into doing despite the fear, or believe that success will cure you and make up for what you think about yourself. That’s a dead end.
Don’t get me wrong – failure exists:
It simply means you didn’t accomplish what you set out to create.
In reality, you can fail at doing something; your skill might be inadequate to accomplish what you want. But you can’t fail at being (yourself). Who you are is independent of what you do. Your doing can suck and fail, but in reality, that has no connection to who you are. It does not mean anything about you. Being and doing are two independent dimensions.
Failing is part of learning and the creative process, which is iterative and a continuous feedback system: You make your move > get a result > evaluate it: it’s either inadequate or adequate > learn from it > adjust from there > make your next move.
That’s how you learned to walk: Failing at your first attempts didn’t mean anything about us. We just kept learning. And it led to success. Neither failure nor success makes YOU better or worse. That’s reality.
You are who you are. In reality, no experience can define you. You can fail or succeed at what you do, you can improve your skills, you can create wonderful things and enjoy them! But you are neither your failures nor your (successful) creations. You can’t improve who you are, but you can definitely become more aware.
You can’t win or lose in life. Because life is you. Already.
“Failure is a figment of imagination” – love it!
